Practicing what I preach…
Lately we have hit a bit of turbulence in our home. Although his recovery remains intact but I am questioning his life progress. Jobs, decision making, etc. These are the more conventional struggles found in most American homes and completely beats the hell out of missing checkbooks and used syringes! I guess in the 12 step world this is termed a “luxury problem”. I simply can not wrap my head around his choices at times.
I spoke to one of my friends/ mentors yesterday and she reminded me to leave his life up to him. ( Be sure to read her blog ) This is advice I give often, yet sometimes giving advice is far easier than adhering to it. Time for a reality check.
There are days that like any other parent of an addict that I get down. The visions I had for my son are far different than the reality. I work in a field where the youngest brightest minds in the world are on a fast track to success. My son is in a far different space. At times I mourn. However I am far enough along and introspective enough to monitor my emotions and thoughts. I move on and allow my life to go on.
I am angry at myself for waking up at 4:30 the past 3 evenings and worrying about what will happen next in my son’s life.PROJECTION has always been my recovery’s Achilles’ heel. It takes about a half hour until my recovery side screams “HEY JACKASS…ACCEPT THE THINGS YOU CAN NOT CHANGE”
My friend reminded me to let him live out his life and choices. These are sentiments also echoed by my girlfriend who deserves KUDOS for putting up with my current emotional roller coaster. I thank them both for their support!
My goal today…is to Distance myself and take my own damn advice!
peace and strength from a parent on the journey!
*if you feel this post will help another parent please feel free to share or link
Categorised as: Journal Entries