Practicing what I preach…
First off my son is sober and I am thankful . I write that fact often at this Addiction Journal in an attempt to bring hope to other parents new to the journey of recovery.
Lately we have hit a bit of turbulence in our home. Although his recovery remains intact but I am questioning his life progress. Jobs, decision making, etc. These are the more conventional struggles found in most American homes and completely beats the hell out of missing checkbooks and used syringes! I guess in the 12 step world this is termed a “luxury problem”. I simply can not wrap my head around his choices at times.
I spoke to one of my friends/ mentors yesterday and she reminded me to leave his life up to him. ( Be sure to read her blog ) This is advice I give often, yet sometimes giving advice is far easier than adhering to it. Time for a reality check.
There are days that like any other parent of an addict that I get down. The visions I had for my son are far different than the reality. I work in a field where the youngest brightest minds in the world are on a fast track to success. My son is in a far different space. At times I mourn. However I am far enough along and introspective enough to monitor my emotions and thoughts. I move on and allow my life to go on.
I am angry at myself for waking up at 4:30 the past 3 evenings and worrying about what will happen next in my son’s life.PROJECTION has always been my recovery’s Achilles’ heel. It takes about a half hour until my recovery side screams “HEY JACKASS…ACCEPT THE THINGS YOU CAN NOT CHANGE”
My friend reminded me to let him live out his life and choices. These are sentiments also echoed by my girlfriend who deserves KUDOS for putting up with my current emotional roller coaster. I thank them both for their support!
My goal today…is to Distance myself and take my own damn advice!
peace and strength from a parent on the journey!
*if you feel this post will help another parent please feel free to share or link
Categorised as: Journal Entries
“This is advice I give often, yet sometimes giving advice is far easier than adhering to it. Time for a reality check.”
I have to tell myself every day-”progress, not perfection.” We are all doing our best to muddle through. I think, as parents, part of us will always want to steer our kids in the other direction if we see them taking the wrong turn. Old habits die hard. Thanks, for sharing your thoughts. It helps to know we all share so many similarities in our journey.
tough thing to do…let them live life on their terms….especially when we can see roadblocks that may jepordize their sobriety….I too have had to step back and take a deep breath and let my daughters live there own lives. Do i have to listen more than talk; yes. Do i have to hold my breath and hope it works out; yes….has it always worked out; no but both of them have learned from their mistakes and become better; as a person. My oldest daughter is a musian and is persuing her dream. She is a waitress by day and singer by night. She is poor as a church mouse but she is happy doing it HER way. No longer do i make suggestions of careers and guess what; she is putting together a life and becoming a beautiful person who has more confidence because she has made it herself; HER way. I only tell this story because it took my letting go of my younger daughter, the addict, to let go of my oldest. The lessons i have learned through my recovery have help me…i still say the serenity prayer to remind myself i have very little control over anything except my attitude to God’s plan.
My younger daughter is starting a program in the fall; she decided to go on the excellerated tract; i don’t think it is a good idea but this is her choice and time will tell if she can handle the stress…i will pray for her success and know that if she does do this it will only boost her self esteem. If she fails she will learn another lesson and i will not say a word….I made a ton of mistakes growing up and still do but i am more gentle with myself and look to the lesson….
Take a deep breath….this is his path for better or worse…i pray better…
Love the sign! I resemble that sign most times right now!
One skill that we must master is that of keeping our sense of humor..Obviously Im one funny Son of a B’tch Now if I can get to master the other 2998973487834397987 million skills needed in recovery.
…the courage to change.
This was the very topic at our Family Support meeting last night. Some lamented over lost hopes of making it in the real world, others stated how jealous they were of friends children's successes. Yet we each knew letting go, and letting them figure it out was the answer to the unasked question's of the prospects their lives may or may not hold. Knowing the answer, and actually doing the letting go… we are all in the same practice heat trying to get it right. Keep reminding yourself just like the rest of us!
Hi Susan –
At a more “up” time I wrote the following – http://addictionjournal.net/?p=2225 .. Their addiction changes us all. It is truly how we deal with it. It’s a lot of work sometimes but I keep plugging along! Thanks for commenting
Loved that post… you’ve passed the water bottle to me several times, for which I have been thankful. (Even those times when my initial reaction was my deep desire to pour the damn bottle out instead of taking a drink!)
Take a drink my friend, or pour some out and get it of your system… but each of us will find our way back to drinking and finding it refreshes our soul.
Great post. I can relate to this SO much. Most of my son's peers have just graduated from college and are starting real jobs with ad agencies, marketing firms, etc. I find myself mourning sometimes, too. But my wife and I feel good things will come. Just a little bit later than usual. And that's OK. One day at a time, right? Thanks for sharing. Your blog inspires me.