Dance steps for parent’s of addicts
Some posts at this blog are very easy to write. This was not one of them. ..I have started and deleted this post about 4 times. Oh well… read on if you want. I apologize for my rambling in advance.
Last week I was on vacation and away from our home. My son stayed home alone. Over time, I have accepted that there truly is no controlling his addiction and if something dire was to occur it truly is out of my control. Off we went!
As I sat on the cruise my mind wandered a few times back to my son and his solitary time away from us. I would catch myself, dismiss the thought and continued on with our vacation. I wished he was there but sadly the consequences of past drug chaos keep him at home. We both accept that the “Choices and consequences” are important for both our individual recovery.
The week flew by for us and it was soon time to return home. Lots of sun, food, and “Dad” being taught the dance moves of the “Dougie” and “reverse fist pump”
I saw my son briefly last evening upon our return. All was well with him. The funny part was that the world did not stop rotating on its axis when we were away. The dog was fed, the new grass was not dead from under watering, and our home front was not smoldering. Today is a good day.
He had a few friends in, cooked burgers and told me he enjoyed the peace. He smiled and said, “I really have to work hard to move out of here.” I laughed and responded, ” That is music to my ears” We both love each other and know that our world will be a healthier place when he is on his own. Today is not that day and I am working on not projecting. He is sober, he is working, and thus he is progressing.
I need to remind myself often to live in the peace and tranquility of today. Last week we all lived our life and enjoyed ourselves on a trip where we were able to leave a young man in recovery home alone. Years ago, when gripped in my own fears, I would not have been able to enjoy myself. Liberation from the fear can happen for parents of addicts if they work our recovery! Thankfully, I had great teachers.
I am trying to say that working my recovery is key. I first had to realize my recovery was tied on some level but needed to become very independent of my son’s journey. Parent and addict make the strangest dance partners. We dance together yet often times the dance steps force us to be very much apart.
There are times when he has done well and I have mentally relapsed. There are times when he is totally out of control within the grips of addiction yet I have been able to remain calm. It’s a skill that we must learn to acquire and continue to improve upon.
I’m working on my dance steps as the music never stops!
peace and strength
*if you feel this blog will help another family please feel free to link or share
Categorised as: Coping Skills
thank you Dean .. I urge others to read Dean’s ( another father of an addict son ) well written blog found @
http://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com/
Great post. So glad progress is being made by all of you. Love reading your stuff.
I am so happy for you, in that you were able to enjoy a much deserved vacation! This post couldn't have come at a better time. THANK YOU. ( you sure seem to always know what I need to hear. How do you do that? )
You’re welcome Cathy. It is easy to know what you need to hear as …I needed to hear the same stuff ( and still do sometimes). We parent of addicts are all very similar
peace
An entire family in recovery is a beautiful sight to behold. I’m glad you were able to get away and enjoy your vacation. I remember the days when everything I did and did not do revolved around the addict. When we take our own lives back we all become healthier. I missed your posts while you were gone.
We are a family working our recovery.. we are far from completely healthy. It’s a work in progress. Thanks for the compliment and continued reading.
Glad to hear you were able to enjoy yourself…Your life is not his addiction…his addiction is not your life…Peace;)