Parental Psyche Games
Release day!
My son completed a stay at a treatment facility in the woods of NH.
I picked him up today and we had a nice conversation in the car on the way home. He looks good and sounds good. No pink clouding on either of our parts.
I try to work my own recovery one day at a time. I have gotten scorched far too many times in the past because of my love of projecting future events in my son’s life.
As we traveled homeward, I simply shut my mouth and listened. (No easy task) I refrained from the “doesn’t it feel good to be sober conversation” followed by my usual “look at how chaotic your life gets” chaser. He is healthier, a bit wiser, and he seems to get it. I don’t think my 2-cent psyche games will really have an effect on his disease. I have learned a few things over the years.
I simply enjoyed his health today. As parents we must learn to put our “games” away.
peace and strength!
Categorised as: Journal Entries
I am so happy he is doing well and sounds like you are too……He knows what to do and I feel it in my gut he is going to do the right thing because he knows what the right thing feels like…..MJ
I have to side with the author of Addiction Journal on this one.
Sidda, when you write “parents should reject tough love approaches and instead adopt moderate behaviors based on both reasonable personal boundaries and commen sense recovery supports for their addicted loved ones” what do you have in mind?
My husband and I declared our home drug free, stopped handing out money, attended counseling as a family, attended parent support groups, provided IOP and residential treatment programs, hired therapists, recovery coaches and we were still picking our son up from the shower floor,passed out from using inhalants.
Tom, what medication would you recommend to assist recovery when the DOC is cocaine?
As we were relying on what we thought were “common sense recovery supports” our son was spiraling out of control like nothing I have ever seen. I knew that if we didn’t try something drastic he would not live to see another birthday.
In our situation the only thing left was to put our son out of the house with NOTHING. In time he returned to us and asked for help. Today he is in long term residential treatment (his choice) and is five months sober. This is the first time I have seen him serious about recovery.
No, there are no guarantees. Along the line I decided that if my son were to die from his disease it would not be on my dime or under my roof. By this time I had sat in too many parent support groups listening to parents who had coddled this disease far too long.
Like the author of this blog I listened to the parents of kids who had found recovery. And I paid particular attention to the young people who were recovering. I hate gambling. But when forced to choose, I’m betting on tough love and the 12 steps.
Hi Lisa.. I think this was meant for the Tough Love Chemo posting…but thank you so much for your continued reading of this blog and the sharing of your wisdom over the past year and a half..
So glad your in a good place, we lose ourselves at the beginning when first confronted with this disease and we tend to put ourselves on the back burner. We are no good to our children with this horrible disease we just become part of the problem. God bless you and your beautiful child!
Thanks Sandra.. !! and God Bless you and your boy!
I am happy for your son and you today!!!!
David
thanks David
I couldn't have said it better! I'm the mother of a 23yr old son who is battling his addictions. Recovery is definitely a process…a long one. The less I say the better…he then is able to begin to rely on himself , form his own questions/answers and opinions that in the long run will help his self esteem as he begins to develop into his own person. Anything we say is nothing they don't already know anyway:)
you said: Anything we say is nothing they don’t already know anyway
That is so true! thank you Judy Wittler !
I been down that road in 1992 its painfull but worth it at the end of the day
Thank you for the ahhah moment… Yup, I’m guilty of the “2 cent psche games”. What a waste of my energy and serenity. I will definately try to watch myself for that, and put those efforts into biting my tongue more. Nice to know you are enjoying your son today. Blessings to you both. : )
Very good plan. Keep at it and don't forget to breathe while you are not "projecting"!
I believe also in the “less is better approach” when it comes to conversing with my sons during these difficult times. I try to follow thier lead…not easy for a “lecturer” like me;) Nice to hear he is back home.