Addiction – A Family Disease
It has been stated over and over that addiction is a family disease.
When our addict child “picks up” in middle school and begins their addiction journey, little do we know how much that choice will affect the entire family for years to come.
Siblings are betrayed as their iPods and other possessions are sold at pawnshops as the addicted “chase the dragon”.
Mothers and Fathers will take part in arguments that may or may not affect their Blessed Union.
The addict’s grandparents tend to enable thus revving up the addiction wars even further.
The addicted child will commit the most unspeakable crimes against their family and friends.
Please remember that these relationships can be mended. It takes time, forgiveness, communication, and a lot of hard work!
In our home we continue to work on the balance. The members work to communicate calmly and with respect. Perhaps it comes with experience as this is not our first time dealing with active addiction. We are far wiser now than in years past, all understanding their roles and what works to collaborate with my son’s recovery.
These tasks take much work, love, understanding, and compromise. Behaviors need to be reflected upon and changed with an honesty that may hurt. Learn from those who have walked before you as we have.
Honest communication is key.
peace and strength
Categorised as: Relationships
Hi Erin. Relapse is part of the disease, but it’s not mandatory. I feel like when we see relapse, particularly in early sobriety (first few years), it’s like growing pains. Sometimes the addict needs to push their boundaries to truly understand themselves and where they are … And to truly understand the disease of addiction. Like the addict, we parents also have relapses. Hopefully our relapses are short and we learn from them as well!
Regards,
~M
Thanks for explaining Moe, I really appreciate it. My son was drug free for over a year and then relapsed. He has been doing well for about three months now since the relapse. He was drinking after he first stopped heroin but I did lay down the law that if the drinking continued on the weekends that I would call the police and have him removed. When we first found out he was using heroin my son was actually desperate for help wanting to stop. I am grateful for that. I am taking it one day at a time with him. I am also glad that he has always worked and that after he started the suboxone program a year and a half ago he changed jobs and has been doing well going to work every day. I thought that when he was first clean that we would be done and over with this, but after spending time with a counselor I did come to realize that relapse is quite common with this disease but most times if they want to they seem to come out of it quicker each time. Like you I would absolutely not allow him to use in my home, I consider myself one of the lucky ones never having to have seem him nod out when he was using.
Hi Erin. First I have to say that I never threw my son out if his home. I only insist that my home be drug-free. I deserve that, and so do my other children. I have yet to hear a person in recovery, be it short or long-term, state that if their parents did not stop the party in their homes, that they as active addicts would have made the decision to stop drugging on their own. Why would they? These kids are very sick. Even if they are exhausted and ready to throw in the towel and get clean, often they need that push in order to raise their bottoms. I agree that not all active addicts choose to get clean, particularly when they first leave the family home, but if that’s the case, I’m willing to bet my last dollar those kids would definitely not choose sobriety if left in the family home with the ability to continue using. Making your home drug-free forces the active addict’s hand. Often these kids just need that tough nudge! I have to admit, when I first told my son he had to leave our home and that he needed a minimum of one year clean time before returning to our family home, I made that decision based on the fact that that was all I had left to offer my son to help him help himself. What I was doing (loving him, caring for him, guilting him) was not working. I was afraid he would die if I didn’t change the game. I’m grateful that my son chose sobriety when called out. Today is a good day! I wish you and your son the best.
~M
Great topic. Thank you. Our addict (I feel like we should say it’s like being in remission when they are not using) is working hard right now for sobriety. Far more serious about recovery than in the past. So *today* we are all taking a relaxed breath. However, as you said the damage done is amazing. Our focus is now on the youngest child who is a teenager…oh what a long road we have to help him to a place where he feels safe and un-neglected. It seems our eyes have been on the older child for so long that the younger one took on far more than he should have (emotionally). Sigh. BUT, here we are, doing okay, really decent relationships between all of us, and I am so grateful.
Moe, I have trouble wrapping my head around throwing them out of the house, I mean I realize in certain circumstances where they are using in the house, being violent, not working, etc., that you would have no other choice. I just get confused about this because on some of the other blogs that I follow the parents have made the child leave the home and the child, I should say adult child has not found recovery but has actually gotten worse. I agree that we should live in a drug free home. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t believe that removing them from the home guarantees recovery but it does bring peace back into the household.
Great post. Though there is no cookie cutter answer for the parents and loved ones of addicts, I have learned much from the people who walked this road before me. A few important tools I picked up along the way … We all have the right to live in a safe and drug-free home. As parents, we do not have to accept the invitation to every argument we are invited to. Stay clear of the drama and chaos. And most importantly, giving the addict a warm and comfortable place to use only assists them in their addiction, not their recovery.
~M
Such an important topic. I can’t tell you how much hurt and neglect was inflicted on the rest of the family while trying to “save” the addict. They suffer too, more than we may know. Thank you for such a great blog.