Waiting for Amends?
I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a parent that had a child in early 12 step recovery say “I am going to enjoy Steps 8 and 9 as he/ she will make amends and apologize for all the wrongs committed during their drugging period.”
I urge them to stop waiting for that Amends Bus. The Amend steps were designed for the addict’s recovery not as something we should hold over our child’s head.
Does it make any difference in the harms that were inflicted upon your family? If your child is in recovery what was done to you is over ( If they are truly working the 12 step approach)
From what I read in other non 12 step groups, (Jesus Christ ,Buddah, whatever higher power you embrace ) it is bigger /better for us to simply forgive our child/spouse for the harm inflicted thus furthering our own spiritual health.
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain
I never presume to be able to think like someone in recovery but I would venture to guess they are probably sorry for the incredible damage they inflicted during their drugging period. They remember painfully the wrongs inflicted upon their family and friends.
I see my own son reflect on his drugging period. His drugging was in full force at a time when he would lose his mom to cancer. That is a reality he often struggles with in his own recovery.
If someone is truly working their steps I do accept their amends. The acceptance is not done for me but hopefully to help them move on in their recovery. I have gotten to a point ( after a lot of work ) where I have begun to forgive those that ransacked my home both physically and emotionally. It is what it is..
For me I had to say to myself ” get over it ..the iPods are gone, the checks were forged, your child’s name was slapped all over the front page …it is time to move on .
Moving on will help your recovery. Your parental recovery is truly something you can strive to improve
Thus…I moved on…I hope you can as well.
peace and strength
Categorised as: Relationships