Good Days
I just read a comment on a social networking wall posted by the parent of yet another addicted child. She pondered aloud “Is there a day I won’t worry or stress about my addicted child? ”
Yes! There will be good days!
When we work our own recovery the “good days” happen. Days where the worries of overdoses, addiction chaos, and jail time leave our mind. It can happen. Granted, not everyday will be “Rainbows and Sunshine”, but if we seek to maintain a balance through friends who truly understand, we can get healthier.
We have to learn that “Addiction” truly needs to be handed back to our Addict Child to deal with.
Preventing the consequences (bail, court fees, etc ) does not help them but merely sustains their addiction.
The following poem is often passed around the many support groups found on the Internet. Still one of the best written:
I Am An Addict
I am an addict. I need your help.
Don’t let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad
opinion of myself. I hate myself already.Don’t let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to be doing for myself. If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt will be increased and you will feel more resentful.
Don’t accept my promises. I’ll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness prevents me from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time.
Don’t make empty threats. Once you have made a decision stick to it.
Don’t believe everything I tell you, it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness. However, I’m likely to lose respect for those who I can fool too easily.
Don’t let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way. Love can not exist for long without the dimension of justice.
Don’t cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drugging.
Don’t lie for me, pay my bills or meet my obligations. It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drug problem as long as you provide an automatic escape from the consequences of my drugging.
Above all, DO learn all you can about drug addiction and alcoholism and your role in relation to me. Attend support meetings regularly, read the literature and keep in touch with other members. These are the people who can help you see the whole situation clearly…….This is the way to Stay Strong!
We as parents must work to understand and apply the concepts of detachment and codependence. We must learn to escape the “drama” that is bundled with addiction. Begin to study the enemy and learn how it works to sustain itself at the expense of our children.
Good days happen for those who work their recovery.
peace and strength!
*if you feel these words will help a family or parent please feel free to link back or share.
Categorised as: Coping Skills, Journal Entries
Love it…. thanks for the share!
My youngest son left for rehab yesterday…I was able to apply the principals of the lessons I have learned over the years and he came to the conclusion on his own that he was “sick and tired of being sick and tired”…would love to gift my oldest with the same principals as well, but he has “others” in his life that do not believe these principals are necessary…
Thank you for printing the poem. I printed it and am going to read it every day.I’m trying hard to let go and let God. It’s sort of three steps forward and two steps back. It helps reading the different articules, and knowing I’m not alone. My heart hurts for all the other people out there hurting.
I'm glad you addressed that post. I wanted to say something too. I love the "Im an Addict". I am just now learning these lessons. So simple, yet ignored by most parents. We react, respond and comfort the disease out of fear. Our own illness. Education; understanding the mind of an addict has helped me to make the changes I need to be healthy and no longer comfort the addict from his own recovery. thanks
If you haven't yet; open the link to the Journal and read the 'Im an Addict'. Something to think about; on paper looks too logical.
read it..it's right on!
Louise, got the number for the NEXT STEP FORWARD meeting in Portland. It is 781-267-1008. Joe is the contact person.
Thanks Peter. Last night was my 2nd meeting. Please help spread the word of this group in our community. These boys have so much to offer families. Totally different approach for families in their own recovery from their own addiction to their addict.
Every single word of this is true. Simple instructions but not always easy to follow. Mom instincts run counter to all this and we intinctively do the wrong thing. It truly is a cunning and baffling disease.
There are lots of sunny days out there to be had! We cannot hinge our own recovery on our loved one’s recovery. If addiction is a disease, the entire family is truly infected by it. It’s so important to find a good support group and keep our own recovery front and center.
Thank you for posting this. This is something I need to hang on to.
You are more than welcome..that old poem has been around for years in the Halls of Al-Anon etc.
I’m saving this poem, and sending it to my son. He and I just spoke about a number of these things just last night. Today… he’s in a good place, today he is positive and excited about his future. And today I am in a great place, working my own Recovery and knowing that as I work mine, I will become stronger and more able to do each of the hard steps that come up.
Thanks Bill!