Save the children
We cannot save our children that are active in addiction. Once active, our children must learn to save themselves. This is a hard, cold, not so easy to swallow, fact of addiction recovery.
The more parental attempts we make at fixing, remedying, or controlling their drugging the weaker we make them. This stop the saving concept goes against every thing you did as a young nurturing mom / dad.
If we try to fix the situation we thus enable.
Attempts to Save my Son that I have made, although not for a while:
Trying to help in the Courts
Trying to help with my son’s bills
Trying to help monitor his addiction
Trying to monitor his employment.
I still have to work on my recovery everyday, even within his continued period of sobriety. Last night, a work night, my son was out with another friend. Both in recovery they stayed out well past midnight.
* The old me – 223 calls and or text messages to my son’s cell. Known in my home as “blowing up his phone” . I gave up demolition long ago…
* The more healthy me – ( Why do I feel like I sound like Valeri Bertinelli ) was to roll my tired ass over watch ” American Idol” and fall off to sleep . Yes I watch American Idol …Go Lauren !
I’ll take the new healthier me…it’s far better for both of us.
For the record he was up, making lunch and out early this morn for a day of physical labor at a job he found and has maintain all through his sobriety.
Today is a good day. Better because I learned not to SAVE him early in the journey.
Peace and strength.
Categorised as: Journal Entries
Amen! When I finally realize that I couldn't fix my son and concentrated on fixing myself and getting closer to God, that is when my son started to work at his recovery. God was my one step program:)
How well I relate, and that's why we also need accountability.
Awesome! Our recovery is so very important for our addict as well as ourselves.
We all have to finally realise that when we stop enableing them it's a gift we give not only them but to ourselves too.It is their job to find their way to recovery not ours.I feel that we can continue to love then and never give up hope on them.Mean while we have our own journey to take care of ourselves.
I definitely agree, although easier said than done. Our son who is currently sober almost 120 days has relapsed so many times that I still need to take each day at a time. The longest he's been sober in 8 years is 5 months. The difference this time is that he is across the country and I have made it clear that we will not "rescue him". STILL, every time the phone rings late at night…….
Congrats Helene Good to read of his recovery! There is hope…
I agree.it’s not easy..our recovery..or theirs…
WORKING recovery…it’s W O R K …
Phones..Oh ya played that game a lot in my time. Read the Cell Phoniness post. It’s a amazing how a 4.9 ounce iPhone can completely weigh a family down… Maybe you could let him know there will be a period from now until July 4th ( Independence day? yours? ) that you will be not accepting his phone calls and thus block his calls.. hard decisions…just putting it out there
But 120 ..good start!
This is so good!
I totally agree. It’s a huge mistake to think we can save an addict. It’s very painful to watch our loved ones suffer the consequences of their addiction. Denying them such consequences, truly robs them of the opportunity to feel the pain. Why would they want to get better if there were no consequences for their bad behavior and choices? I feel that enabling an active addict in any way ($$$, shelter, court, etc.) assists them in their addiction and makes it easier for them to continue to use drugs.
I also feel we cannot fix or control an addict’s behavior. We easily become addicted to the addict and ride the emotional rollercoaster along with them. My daughter said it best. When we try to reason with an addict, all they hear is “blah blah blah.”
That said, I have to admit that I was one of the biggest enablers around. My son did not seek recovery until I handed his addiction over to him. Now, I try hard to step away and work my own recovery and allow him to do the same. He is responsible for his own decisions, good or bad.