Peripheral Enablers – Grandparents and other fixers!
Trying to control a peripheral enabler is almost as futile as trying to control the addict.
I define the “peripheral enabler” as that “well intentioned” family member or friend who is going to cure our child. They will provide our addicted child some element that we did not provide our child as a parent. They are our children’s self appointed saviors!
As moms and dads it is difficult to get on the same page on how we will deal with our sick child. Then grandma, auntie, uncle, or some other peripheral family member swoops in to “help” or “fix” what they perceive to be our “parental failure”. Chaos quickly ensues.
The oft arrogant peripheral enabler will easily “FIX” the addict that we have been unable to turn around. These enablers are far smarter than we are. They will love them away from addiction!
In my world the peripheral enabler were my in laws who would bail out my son and declare that I was a heartless son of a bitch as I left my son to deal with the consequences of his drugging. The peripheral enablers in my life were uncontrollable and would immediately post bail. I stopped trying to control them too.
Peripheral enablers eventually lose control or learn they cannot fix the addict. It just takes them a bit longer because they have not experienced our child’s disease first hand.
We must not allow their enabling to destroy our strength but rather understand that eventually the peripheral enabler learns the futility of their actions. They love our child and have great intentions but are misguided by the lack of understanding and fear.
Hate the disease not the peripheral enabler. Forgive them for the sake of your own recovery.
Peace and strength
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Categorised as: Relationships