Talk is Cheap
Many parents get caught up in the drama of addiction. They fight like MMA warriors, going round after round in the caged circle of addiction, yet never really fully change the drug drama unfolding before their eyes. The continued battle somehow justifies a parent turning a “blind eye” to their child’s addiction.
I think that new parents don’t realize that things truly have to change to have a positive impact on their child’s recovery. Some parents use the battles with their addicted children to prove to their psyches that they are in fact addressing the issue.
Their relentless struggle with their active addict is “proof” that they love this child and are staunchly against the drug use. “Talk is cheap”, if actions are not implemented to make a positive change. The arguments will continue for years, as the child is perceived to be “moderated”, thus nothing truly changes. If the addict is “safe” at home under mom and dad’s watchful yet “disapproving” eye this is acceptable. The parents’ continued chastising shows they don’t agree with their child’s drug usage but the lack of hardcore action keeps their child safely enabled at home. It’s a psychological safety net/trap.
The constant drama and arguing is a subliminal enabler’s crutch for some parents. Despite the verbal disapproval the parents enable drug usage in the home by never asking the addict to leave. There are truly NO Consequences, just bickering. Both addict and parent understand this unspoken truth and both parties win. The addict continues to use drugs in a warm home, and the parents keep the child “safe” at home.
Enablers on some level, love to feel needed by their child. Feeling needed is a positive thing and the fact that parents can keep their drug addicted child at home is the cherry on the enabling cupcake.
I had to look in the mirror when my son was actively using, and make a conscious decision.” I would not feed the addiction, If my actions feed the addiction whether directly or indirectly I will stop. I would not be a collaborator/ accessory in my son’s death due to addiction”. I would be able to look myself in the mirror if I had to bury him.
Parents need to learn to stop battling, arguing, enabling, and being codependent. Say it one time and apply the consequences. That is the only justice that addiction truly respects!
peace and strength
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