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I live outside of Boston. Later this evening we are supposed to experience blizzard conditions.
Each time there is a major weather event, I wonder what those that are addicted do in regards to their drug supply. It’s not like they can run out five times a day during the storm to pickup a bag? Do our sick kids buy in bulk?
I wonder about all those that were displaced from that Boston shelter. Where do they go to survive the storms. As beds are taken away in Boston, shelter and recovery have become a huge issue. I will have to write about that travesty when I have more time.
Having addiction touch our lives changes our thought patterns about the most random things, even blizzards.
Some families will worry about milk and bread, while others will worry about where their child might be during this New England Blizzard.
Our sick will worry about syringes and supplies…truly it is a sad situation.
The following is not a rant about Big Pharma. I have covered their profiteering in earlier posts.
I feel Big Pharma is despicable as they profit on the disease of our children. Big Pharma is designed to profit at any cost, even the death of your child. I both loathe and accept that fact.
Now…for the point of this post:
I have seen various parent support groups hang their child’s addiction exclusively on the shoulders of Big Pharma . For them, is profitable to put a face on the monster. Blaming a corporation unites their families, and drives up their war chests via donations and t shirt sales. They march and wave the “POA’s vs. Big Pharma” flag. To me it’s not quite that simple.
(Before I write on, I don’t want to offend a subset of parents. I understand that a percentage of our kids were over prescribed, no offense intended. But it is the exclusivity of the blame I question.)
With that said, I have pondered, “Why do our kids pick up any substance? ” Why did my child become addicted. That is a burning question for all of us.
Parents of addicts with children like my son also attend meetings, we read message boards, we read all that is said on social media. We are lectured that “Big Pharma this..Big Pharma that!” But inside we know our kids picked up recreationally. For some of us we admit that our child was not over prescribed. I have had parents email and write how they felt odd at these meetings.
We become the outsiders within the confines of these parent run support groups. Other parents whose children were duped, rant at these meetings, ”If Big Pharma was obliterated from the face of the Earth we would cure all addiction.” Inside we cringe as we know our dirty little secret. (We are told that no parent judges another. I laugh at that concept too.)
The concept that Big Pharma is exclusively to blame for our child’s addiction is utter nonsense. The disease of addiction is far more complex.
I defer to a much more logical theory proposed by a group called Alcoholics Anonymous. AA is a groups that does not solicit state funding. They don’t sell T shirts at their meetings. There are no $50.00 a plate fund raisers. They work from the confines of dirty church basements.AA is group that grows via attraction rather than self promotion.
“Resentment is the “number one’’ offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.”
Many of our kids “resented”! Our children felt alone, they perceived themselves to be far different from their peers. I have been taught by those in recovery that “drugging” made them feel alive, almost invincible. Alive until the disease grabbed them by the “balls” and deflated their lives. (pun intended)
Admitting our children possess a “spiritual shortcoming” is far difficult for parents. It is far easier to fall in the “haters line” and vilify Big Pharma. I have been there.
I find it contradictory when parents in one breath, demonize Big Pharma, then in the next moment are dragging their kids to the halls of AA looking for the cure. I am not sure we POAs can have it both ways.
I have yet to speak to a person in recovery that blames Big Pharma for their illness . However I have met many in recovery that found a “spiritual solution” for their resentments. (I take my “recovery” knowledge from those in the game, rather than those sitting on the sidelines.)
My son felt different, carried resentments, is jealous, is insecure, and carries much “spiritual malady”. He is a poster child for those caught by the monster. Is he the only one that was not tricked by Big Pharma?
I accept my son’s shortcomings and love him unconditionally. He is working on himself and that is all I can ask for.
Had my son not found oxycontin/ heroin, he told me would have been a raging alcoholic. My son picked up drugs at a very early age because it made him feel good. It lifted his insecurity and made him fit in. Again is he the only one who stumbled in this fashion?
My son was NOT overprescribed, he was not tricked by some neighborhood dad, he did not have a sports injury, he was not introduced to drugging by some pretty girlfriend. He had/ has resentments!
Admitting our child is not healthy is not easy for a parent to admit. On some level we feel as we failed them. ( Please don’t submit a Three C’s reply ) I am simply being honest.
Surely I am not the only Parent of an Addict that feels that some of our kids use drugs to feel better or lift resentments? Am I alone on this point? Is stopping drug addiction, really as simple as removing Big Pharma from the picture? Somehow I doubt it…
Last week Arizona broadcasters did something that I felt was amazing. Every TV station and most Radio stations aired a special on all Arizona channels at 6:30 pm titled “Hooked: Tracking Heroin’s hold on Arizona”. It lasted 30 minutes and was very informative without a lot of propaganda about any specific rehab or recovery method. As a parent of an addict, I was so excited to see this. I was hoping that this is a positive move to educate people on Heroin.
Unfortunately, since it aired I hear more negative on this special than positive. I heard coworkers today say “why should I be forced to watch that?” My answer is because heroin is killing our kids, and if it is not impacting your family in any way today it will soon. I wish nationally we would do more to educate others on this, because when this started for me I had not a clue on Heroin. People say, if you child is using then kick them out of your life. That is the HARDEST thing to do. This is your baby, not some monster! The drug is the monster not the user!
A reader, Liz, commented on a a post mentioning it took her a long time to get to the point of acceptance. I am right there with her. I have accepted my son for who he is and what he may or even “may not” become. It took me a long time too.
It takes many parents of addicts a long time to get to the point of acceptance. That is not a criticism, merely a common trait many of us share.
Some fellow POAs will preach “In your own time” . I guess that applies but those words can be very enabling. If you are not in your time and not actively changing your approach to your still heroin using child then it’s time for some face time w/ your soul. If he /she dies and you are getting “in your time” you will live with that baggage for the rest of your life. No easy task from what I have seen.
I would advise to always be working on your recovery. If you are sitting in the same drama that you sat in a few years ago, it is truly time to change the change the game up.
You will probably be forced to risk it all at some point. It is the painful truth to an addiction that simply does not care about your mommmy good intentions. Some little momma may pat you on the behind and tell you “how strong you are”, yet you have not changed anything and your child is still running the drama. This is not an easy battlefield, you must keep up the fight everyday.
Actions such as shutting off their cell phone, changing living spaces, stepping back when they are using, leaving their ass in a jail cell, are pragmatic events that help. Acceptance is a pretty difficult mindset to attain, but one that will help your life and have a positive influence on their disease
Again all you can do is to positivley influence. Momma try as you might, you won’t fix , cure, or save your child. Tough words but truthful words written only to help.
Influence and acceptance. (Concepts of a favorite prayer?)