Addiction Journal

My excellent advice..blah blah blah

A few people have contacted recently and mentioned “You don’t write as much as you used to.”
Thankfully my son is currently healthy and his biggest problems consist of car engine lights (S*it-box car) and the money issues that most of us face. He is not sleeping on the streets or stealing to feed his habit. I am content with his luxury problems… **

shutterstock_148530929I was thinking the other day how all my excellent advice (insert a smirk here) was ignored by my son when he was active. Yet when someone that he met in some broken down sober home stated the same advice to him, it was GOSPEL.

His dismissal of my wisdom used to piss me off, but finally I was enlightened. Young addicts will only take recovery wisdom from others that have been there. “Mommy-speak” will be of no value to them. (That includes Dads that “Mommy-speak”) A parent might offer the most intelligent advice to their addict child and it probably will be ignored.

As a POA you need to become honest with yourself; “Has your child ever really followed any of your scholarly drug recovery advice?” The answer to that question is probably no. So I will ask another question “Is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results not the measure of insanity?” ( see folks I did pay attention at that Al Anon meeting)

How can I be angry my son for not listening to me. What real life experience did I really offer. Sure I blogged, wrote a book, and chaired parent meetings pretty consistently but it didn’t matter to him. The advice, when it came from the lips of someone who has walked the walk, carried far more value.

In reality all we can tell our kids is that we love them. They need to figure it out. They will figure it out based on their friends advise…not ours.

Peace and strength

** to those who have offered support over the years I thank you. My son is doing well . He is sober and is proof that there is hope. Recovery can happen, when we leave it up to them.


Do you have a “Flat Belly”?

I laughed at wisdom found in the Zoo Mass comment. The following was posted below an article regarding Drug Courts in Massachusetts.

flatbelly

Original article if found at Boston.com – here

People and parents of addicts are so quick to judge our child’s recovery. Far too often addiction is chalked up to laziness or bad behavior. In my humble opinion, ACHIEVEMENT gap has 0% understanding of addiction.

I love Zoo Mass’s implied advice to “take a look in the mirror”. Anyone who has tried to stop smoking, diet, or sustain an extended period of exercise should think twice.

peace and strength


That kid is not coming back…

Some readers might say, “He got his son back”

My son has maintained a period of sobriety. (I tend not to count his clean time as I got sick of the reset button and it really didn’t help either of us.)

I don’t feel families ever get back the child we lost to addiction. When (or if ) they find recovery, families get a modified, enlightened, wiser, ( You can add your own adjective ) person in recovery. They however have changed dramatically!

changeOur actively addicted kids rob banks, provide sex, and stick needles in their arms. Sorry folks this is a graphic and dirty disease. There are many other psychologically and emotionally based traumas our children experience. Our family member can’ t possibly return to that sweet pajama clad persona that we all miss.

Drug addiction is that hurricane that rips out the trees.. Sure you have a landscape but it is significantly altered. After the fire the grass always seems to grow greener.

Some return from the wasteland of addiction a far better person. Wiser and kinder is often what I have seen.

Don’t mourn for your baby to return. ..wait with hope for the new person they may become. There is always hope…

Peace and strength


Sleeping in the woods

http://www.patriotledger.com/article/20140806/NEWS/140808210

mattress_makeover_5The preceding article struck something deep within me as a parent. This “mattress camp” could have very easily been my son’s home at some point. Thankfully he is managing his disease and not on the streets.

The homeless numbers grow daily in this country, and in this parent’s opinion, correlates closely with the increase numbers of those addicted to opiates and other drugs. Am I wrong?

Politicians celebrate the dismantling of these mattress camps and I understand why this needs to happen. However the bigger problem remains.

Where do these kids who are told “Home is not an option.” sleep tonight? In the past I asked my son to leave our home (one of the hardest moments of my life). Thankfully he ended up in rehab and didn’t spend much time on the streets as a homeless person. For him, things are pointed in a better direction. But what if…

The scary fact is that some addicts choose the streets over recovery. Each and everyday far too many of our young citizens begin to sleep in the alleys and off-highway woods that make up this great country.

I hope that politicians begin to address the homeless/addiction issue more earnestly, as it is not going away anytime soon. These politicians can create all the feel good “photos ops” they want and can pull all the mattresses they find. The fact is that our kids will still be sleeping in the doorways.


All is quiet

It has become increasingly more difficult to blog here lately. There is not a hell of a lot to write about.

All is quiet in my family’s life. My son is maintaining his recovery and lives in his own apartment. My other children have recently flown the coop too. My wife and I miss all of them but we also love the peace. We love the fact that the dishes are not piled in sink. I could blog all night on that stuff…

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

Buddha

My son came by for a visit a few weekends ago. He looked fine and mentioned he had over a year sober. Not bad, since I feared that I would be burying him at some points. There is hope.

It’s a scary world out there and I still see kids that are wasted on my daily commute. There is a strong bond between addiction and public transit. I pray for these kids and hope that someday their parents get to experience the “quiet” that I currently enjoy. I don’t ever take it for granted.

Peace and strength