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There was a time I used to write everyday, sometimes twice a day, at this blog.
These days I can go a few weeks without blogging, without checking out Facebook, without playing into the drama of my son’s addiction. Sure I think about him each day and say a prayer but I have detached with love.
I feel badly for the parents that have become addicted to their child’s addiction. They spend their entire day on social media sites with their new addiction friends. They are “supporting each other”. They text each other and their support begins to take up their entire lives. Flowers bloom, grandchildren grow, seasons change yet they are shackled to their computers. Sound a bit familiar?
It is ironic how we judge our drug addicts for not being able to maintain sobriety, yet we are using our online drug of choice frequently. It’s not just online, these parents begin to hit multiple local meetings daily. Their addiction becomes the parents new life. Granted the effects of each addiction are vastly different but they are both “addictions” on some level.
If you remotely feel as if you spend too much time online try this; “Walk away from the computer” for 1 week. Tell your “support friends” you are taking a break. You’re going to try to DETACH. It’s not that easy to do but I will challenge you. (As a favor)
But, if the clock reads 2:34 a.m. and you are creeping downstairs to the iMac to check your messages…you might have a problem. God knows I did.
I’m going to go outside now and rake my damn yard…care to join me?
I am wondering how many parents agree that dealers be charged when “customers” die. I
I don’t as I am pretty sure that most of these “dealers” are our children. Yes those children will all the potential in the world. Locking them up for 10-20 years will do little or nothing to alter the death toll. Will they be locking up the doctors and big pharmas that push their wares like SKITTLES to a generation?
Do I believe in consequences? Sure..If you don’t think so you can read back over the 4 years of posts at this site. But 20 years? for manslaughter? I am not on board with that.
I can not celebrate the ruination of another child’s life as we incarcerate them for 20 years. You will never see me applaud the incarceration of another mother’s child due to addiction.
And the victims? I pray for their souls. But do they not have a place in their own demise? I have read and been taught ..”Jails DEATH or institutions” await those that don’t find a healthy solution. If our children (My own son included) do not find true sobriety they will face those inevitable outcomes.
I am really interested in what other parent’s ( or if?) will comment. All points of view are welcomed here.
I was emailing w/ a friend about our sons today. Both have been through the ringer and back. Currently her son is opting for the suboxone / vivatrol route.
She asked me if I thought it was right or wrong. Years ago I would have fallen to either side of the argument.
Today, after many years of learning hard lessons, my response was something like this…
There is no right or wrong. It’s the choices we can accept as parents. We do what we feel is best for our kids. (Do I agree with every parent? Hell NO! Do they always agree with me? Double HELL NO.)
I think the choices are our choices. My only caution is that we can face ourselves in the mirror for the remainder of our lives knowing we did ALL we could do to help our child’s recovery. God forbid my son dies, I want to look back at that guy in the mirror and agree we did all we could have done!
As I travel on in this journey I write less and less. Writing less is probably a good thing as I am far less consumed with my son’s recovery than I was in the past.
It is playoff hockey time (although not in Boston )and I tune in here and there . The playoffs made me think of this funny story that was provided by my son.
There was a time about seven years ago when I called my son panicked. I was locked in my futile “track him down” mode. (Hey I was naive). He was using hard and I was going to save him. (Did I mention I was naive?)
Anyway I asked “where are you?”. He comes up with this elaborate story. “My friends got us ticket to the Bruin’s game blah blah etc. ” I accepted his answer thinking “Oh this is good he will be safe this evening.”
I walk over to the TV and flip on the Bruin’s game. Strange thing is the logo at center ice was that of the NY Rangers. Unless my son had traveled to New York that night… The Bruins were on the road!!!!. My son’s b&llsh*t story was hurled onto the pile of the other 10,000 lies he had told me up to that point.
I was enraged back then and expended a lot of energy that night. Today as I write about it I kind of chuckle. Pretty funny memory for me these days.
Do you have any “funny lies” that you want so share..I’m sure I am not alone .
At this time my son is doing far better. I hope your child is as well.
I guess if I had one thing to relay to fellow POAs about Easter (or any other holiday) is that to addiction (your child’s disease) , today is just another day.
Whether your child is using or currently sober remember to stay within the framework of what faces that child. Addiction does not give a damn about your pretty eggs and candy filled baskets.
I guess the mistake I made was thinking that I could holiday my child away from his disease. If I decorated the day as it was once decorated in his childhood somehow, someway a magical switch would go off in his head and he would forsake drugs completely.
Man, was I naive. I learned that I could not LOVE my child away from his disease.
Today I take each day as it comes. Whether a holiday or a workday, I thank God he is alive and ask Him to strengthen my son.